He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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