I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
