Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
