The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
