I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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