For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
