rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
