no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
