it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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