we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
