This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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