That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
