thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize