YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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