I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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