Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
