At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
