We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
