I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
