How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
