remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
