I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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