Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
