i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
