I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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