i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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