Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
