i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
