So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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