now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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