I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
