Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
