dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
