I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
