i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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