dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
