She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
