The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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