Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
