JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
