We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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