oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
