She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
