OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i now understand why vodka
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
