Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
