so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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