If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
