think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
