My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
