i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm getting married
To pizza
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
