did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
